I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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