i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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