It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
