Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
