I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
my sisters under your porch take her home
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
