so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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