Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i drank out of a bidet.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
