You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
