Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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