what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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