TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
