when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
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Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
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i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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