fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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