What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
