Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
