I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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