Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
