What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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