i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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