apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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