Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
