why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
