I think I won the penis lottery.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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