Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
