I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
