Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
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COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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