I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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