she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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