Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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