I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
If I die, sorry about rent.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
