Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
