there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
