Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
