What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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