There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Dear god my vagina.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
