I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
