he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
