We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
