why didn't you poke me back
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
