I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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