She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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