Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
