Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
