She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
