Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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