pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
