i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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