I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
