he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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