Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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