so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
