I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
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just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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