he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
