If that was your dad, he is hot
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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