there's paper in my vomit.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
