I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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