The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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