You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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