Quick, to the slutcave!
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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