The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
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we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
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The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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