Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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