Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
