I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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