my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
