i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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