I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
