I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just want nice things and good sex
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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