I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
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just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
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I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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