no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
